We all have a mother. I often feel lost on Mother’s Day as my mum died in 2004 over 18 years ago.
I began to wonder about other women and how they and their families celebrate Mother’s Day.
What happens on Mother’s Day if?
Your mum has died.
You don’t have children.
Your children have left home and it’s not a big deal now.
You are estranged from your mother.
You feel regret at how you treated your mum and feel guilty.
You don’t like your mother and find it difficult to communicate with her.
Your mother has dementia, and she doesn’t recognise you.
Your usual traditions and rituals have changed.
What if you live in constant fear of losing your mum?
What if you feel bad, guilty, sad about the relationship?
What if you forgot your mum on Mother’s Day and know she will be angry or hurt?
What if your gesture is never enough?
What if you mother a dog or cat?
What if you are a stepmother or carer?
The founder of Mother’s Day was Anna Jarvis from West Virginia US. Anna’s mum died on the second Sunday in May in 1905. Anna wanted Mother’s Day to be a very personal appreciation of what her mother had done for her and her ten siblings.
President Woodrow Wilson in 1914 proclaimed Mother's Day a national holiday to be held on
the second Sunday of May. Spelling the mother
in Mother’s Day, the placement of the apostrophe translates… it is about our own mum, a day to honour her in a special way.
Mothering day, Mothers’ Day did not represent what Anna Jarvis wanted. The idea of a holiday, and all that came with it, turned Mother’s Day into big business and the simple expression of love and thankfulness for her mother became lost. Mother’s Day was highjacked in a way Jarvis could never had predicted. Prices of carnations, cards and sweets multiplied every May! Her initial intention of gratitude was being exploited by governments, community groups, and businesses all out to make a buck.
Anna Jarvis fought her entire life to keep the word mother personal and singular. Jarvis was angry and spent her life resisting the changes throughout the years, trying to maintain the essence of her Mother’s Day. Jarvis died at 84, regretting the path her original gesture had taken. Jarvis never made any profit from Mother’s Day and never had children
Mother's Day spending is expected to total $31.7 billion this year, up 13% from 2021 according to the annual consumer survey released by the National Retail Federation (NRF) and Prosper Insights & Analytics. (shelleykohan.forbes.com)
Mother’s Day was first celebrated publicly in Sydney in 1910. A special service was held, where white carnations became a symbol of recognising and honouring your mum.
Today, we honour the tradition of Mother’s Day by celebrating on the second Sunday in May. Australian families have adopted their own traditions and rituals from giving gifts, flowers, chocolates, cards, or simply spoiling mum with breakfast in bed or organising a picnic lunch.
For some, the day triggers painful memories or lost thoughts of not knowing what to do.
Some wellness ideas for Mother’s Day!
If mum has passed away, share an old photo with your siblings, share a favourite memory, bake her favourite cake, share a dinner in her honour.
No children? Meet with your friends to honour the mothers which have been in your life. Get your dog or cat to buy you a present, a plant or a new lipstick… it’s the simple things that can bring a smile to your face.
Speak with your children who have left home and tell them if Mother’s Day is important to you. Ask for what you want.
Ring your mum and just say hello and take it from there. Be humble and just say I wanted to say thank you!
Write your mum a card listing the qualities you do like about her.
Visit your mum in the nursing home and simply share lunch or hold her hand. Bring in some old photos of her when she was young and ask her about them.
Create a new ritual or tradition. Invite friends or dear relatives and talk about the old days, have a laugh!
Play a game at lunch with your siblings about the greatest thing you learnt from your mum.
Live in the moment, know your mum is alive today and cherish this time spent with her.
Feeling guilty or sad about your relationship with your mum is much more common than you think. Take action, make a plan, do something, get out of your head, write a letter, send a poem, see a movie together (you don’t have to talk!).
Ring your mum and say ‘sorry, I forgot’ and you want to make it up to her. Take her out for breakfast, cook her a meal, buy her a rose bush, or something that you know she likes.
Let go! Our relationship with our mum doesn’t change with death. Be aware of what hurt or guilt you are carrying in your life. Do something today or talk energetically to your mum and share how you feel.
Give your gift without conditions. Give with the intention of thankfulness, gratefulness, that your mum gave birth to you.
Honour your own mothering, treat yourself to something special, spend time with you and think about all the lovely mothering qualities you have and how you have shared them over the years with children, friends, and animals.
We all have a mum, each of us with a special unique relationship that belongs to only us. Simple words and thoughtful gestures make the day genuine and real. Any day can be a Mother’s Day.
Know your mums love language. If not, ask her! It really does work!
‘The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman’, helped me to communicate with my mum.
1. Words of affirmation - sent a note, text card, with genuine and kind words
2. Physical touch - hug, kiss your mum, buy her a massage
3. Receiving gifts - buy your mum a precious gift, something you know she likes
4. Quality time - take a walk together, hang out, cook together, share a weekend away
5. Acts of service - clean her house, give her breakfast in bed, do her ironing, pay a bill for her, wash her car.
Happy day to all our mums, carers, and supporters wherever they may be.
Jane 🌺
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